COMPETING LOVE

They say that if he fools you once– shame on him.. Fool you twice, shame on you.. But how do we really count mishaps in our relationships with people? When do we start counting one and when does one transcend into two..three and so on?

Usually, this is my case. I fall in love, he for some magical reason doesn’t love me back. I get hurt. He comes back and I count that’s one.. give hin the second chance..then you go over and over again tha same loop..then he disappears..you think there won’t be a next time.. but he comes crawling back to you and you earase all prejudices.. all ill feeling and tell yourself.. you love that man.. and then the count begins once more.

How many of is women really need to be put on an over and over situation where we fiond ourselves drenched with tears and pain just because we are preserving ourselves to the one we this IS THE ONE? How do we know when to start putting aside old feelings and look for new ones? With the ratio of 8 men is to 1 women, has this world really become a jungle for the survival and competition in getting the cream of the crop?

THINKING OUT LOUD

i just watched sex and the city.. and yes i am one of the thousands of women who fell for one of those women and say i’m in that same situation with my relationship…i relate with carrie..

more than the shoes, the bags and the clothes (although i don’t do signature).. I have MY ”MR. BIG”

i have been in love with a guy for almost 7 years now.. four years of a topsy turvey relationship with him made me realize i had to let him go.. i tried to get him out of my memory.. i have been into different relationships.. but it seems like the standard my heart longs for would always be him..and it was hard.. becasue as much as you’d want to love more people and make relationshhips work.. whenever we bump into each other.. it seems like no time has past.. its still the same ‘ol us..and just like any Carry-John dilemma.. sex was just phenomenal.. our chemistry.. what we want, how we feel..we complement each other’s fantasy..if we just wanna cuddle..if we just wanna kiss..we can do it the whole day..and the time stealer does his job..

so what’s the catch?

My MR. BIG has Natasha on his side.

..he tells me i make him feel a lot of things..he always comes back to me.. but the thing is.. he has Natasha..

when will it be me? when will it be when my MR. BIG drops everything else and decides that it’s me he loves.. it’s me who complete? will i ever get to walk down the aisle with him?

doesn’t he know how much i care for him? that in a heartbeat, i’d drop everything?

but my heart is such a coward..it hybernates with just one his touch..

that’s why the only thing i can do is to wait..put my guards up and wish for the best..

for now… 

TIRED OF BEING ME..

Does anyone ever get to be so fed up with one’s life for no apparent reason?

I do.. And I am..

Now, please don’t think I’m ungreatful..it’s at all like that.. I guess I’m just one of those "career"  oriented women who find themselves trapped in the middle of "now what"

And it’s uneasily disturbing for me..primarily  because I’m so used to cram..hustle..to push myself to the limit and worry about tommorrow.. and what about today? If I worry about tommorrow, does it automatically mean i’ll forget about today? Cou;dn’t someone live on both living the now and hoping for tommorrow?

MY Musical Lyrics

music is my life..

I started singing at the age of two.. i can still remember the times when i used to sit on our couch, cradle our old sony cassette player, plug in those kenwood old earphones of my dad…and play Lea Salonga’s " Ako’y Munting Tinig" album over and over until i mulate her voice..

music was just so natural for me.. on the latter yars of my life, i even recall how i tear off the used leaves of my notebook abd scribble down lyrics of music that captures me..or melodies that soothes me.. i had those moments of wrong spelling..trying hard to record from radio stations those songs that i really, really like..and then transcribe it.. obviously, i got some of the lyrics terribly wrong..

so that begins my music career.. or whatever you call it..

then comes the lyrics.. good for me, my parents enrolled me in private schools where i get to practice good english.. and the language got into me..i started writing prose, poetries and even short stories…

i get to express how i feel more in writing.. but because i’m too lazy to write my thoughts.. they pop into thin air..

anyways, i really do wish i’d get to post some of my earlier works here…

..Never too Late..

..It’s never too late to start something new.. explore the other side of you.. learn something new.. change after all is constant.. then why do I punish myself into holding on to something old? those crappy shirts with holes.. ‘em old shorts with "bacon" garters.. shoes left to dust outside the house..accessories..pictures..diaries..relationships? does it confirm the relations i have been? or i am with now? why do i have to settle for something I am comfortable with rather than what i know is best for me..one which I know I deserve? is is because I tire myself of having to go about that same routine of finding the perfect shoes to fit and complement my wardrobe? the hassle of trying on dresses, shirts.. the pain of throwing away good ‘ol pair of jeans that doesn’t fit anymore? relationships that you’ve put so much effort but pulls you down…

complicated? hard? uneplainably torturing? yea.. that’s me.. my mind.. my heart.. my life..

but nevertheless.. still hoping..and wishing on that same ‘ol star..

one day, my fate will come to a happily ever after…

but i hope soon…